remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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