all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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