Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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