Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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