I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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