Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
