and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
