Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
