new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
