Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
