i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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