She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
