Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hippo gnu deer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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