Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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