Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
