I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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