i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
