True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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