I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
