He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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