if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize