Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
