so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
