Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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