yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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