I wish you could order shots online.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
