Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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