Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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