We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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