who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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