I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
