O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
