OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
