How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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