just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
