Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
