why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
