I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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