He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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