Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
handjob tips. give me some.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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