bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
