I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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