your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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