My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
