Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They took my balls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
