I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
40s are totally the cure
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
