Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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