i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
