I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
