Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
