U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
