Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
