is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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