I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize