I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
