I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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