I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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