I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
