She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
