she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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