yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk is not a location!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
