When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
