It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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