I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
