Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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