Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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