just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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