Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
