i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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