Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize