is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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