This is not my ceiling
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
