fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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