Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
