just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
